Offense
Posted by Esther Stewart on Monday, March 7, 2011
I am writing this in response to something really important I've just learned. DON'T BE OFFENDED AT GOD!
"To have questions is healthy; to hold God hostage to those questions is not". Bill Johnson (Secrets to Imitating God).
I had been upset with God over something for a very long time. It wasn't a trivial thing and I felt wholly justified in demanding answers from Him about why and what He was doing to make it right. God is very kind to me. He didn't smite me or even tell me to pull my head in. He just didn't give in to my demands. He ignored me.
This of course made me angry. I accused Him of all kinds of things. I threw the equivalent of a spiritual tantrum. I went around with my arms folded across my heart. During worship I kept my mouth shut. I wasn't happy, and I blamed it all on Him. After all, He's in control, right? And He's supposed to love me. I began to heap up offenses against my Heavenly Father.
"God responds to faith but will not surrender to our demands for control." Bill Johnson (Secrets to Imitating God).
It wasn't until I had made myself miserable and angry with everyone and everything that I began to think maybe I was in the wrong. My husband had tried to suggest this to me, but I told him to pull his head in ...
It has taken a while for God to gently unwind me. The first thing I had to do was admit that I was offended and that I had no right to be. I was angry at the wrong person. God loves me and would never do anything to hurt me. But there's someone else, God's enemy, who would do anything to undermine my relationship with my Heavenly Father. God has been giving me answers and He is making things right. I was too angry and self righteous to see it, and my offense cut me off from His love.
I am so much happier now. I can see and feel God's love. Worship is enjoyable; no longer an ordeal. I still don't know why and I will never forget what happened but knowing God loves me has become much more important. And I don't ever want to be offended at Him again. When I can't feel His love I am desolate. When I know He is with me I feel happy, and that is more valuable than anything else.
"To have questions is healthy; to hold God hostage to those questions is not". Bill Johnson (Secrets to Imitating God).
I had been upset with God over something for a very long time. It wasn't a trivial thing and I felt wholly justified in demanding answers from Him about why and what He was doing to make it right. God is very kind to me. He didn't smite me or even tell me to pull my head in. He just didn't give in to my demands. He ignored me.
This of course made me angry. I accused Him of all kinds of things. I threw the equivalent of a spiritual tantrum. I went around with my arms folded across my heart. During worship I kept my mouth shut. I wasn't happy, and I blamed it all on Him. After all, He's in control, right? And He's supposed to love me. I began to heap up offenses against my Heavenly Father.
"God responds to faith but will not surrender to our demands for control." Bill Johnson (Secrets to Imitating God).
It wasn't until I had made myself miserable and angry with everyone and everything that I began to think maybe I was in the wrong. My husband had tried to suggest this to me, but I told him to pull his head in ...
It has taken a while for God to gently unwind me. The first thing I had to do was admit that I was offended and that I had no right to be. I was angry at the wrong person. God loves me and would never do anything to hurt me. But there's someone else, God's enemy, who would do anything to undermine my relationship with my Heavenly Father. God has been giving me answers and He is making things right. I was too angry and self righteous to see it, and my offense cut me off from His love.
I am so much happier now. I can see and feel God's love. Worship is enjoyable; no longer an ordeal. I still don't know why and I will never forget what happened but knowing God loves me has become much more important. And I don't ever want to be offended at Him again. When I can't feel His love I am desolate. When I know He is with me I feel happy, and that is more valuable than anything else.
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