What does that word do to you? For years it made me mad. Apparently there was something I was meant to be doing; something fulfilling, maybe even fun. It was something God wanted me to do but I just couldn't work it out. I tried one ministry. I tried another. I tried starting my own. But everything was hard. Doors kept closing. It all became a duty. I ended up doing nothing and feeling useless.

God kept asking me just to talk to Him. I wondered what for but with nothing else to do, I started. I spent time with Him every day. I wrote letters to Him. I read the bible. Gradually it began to come clear.

"I think it is important to ask ourselves what makes us come alive? What do you dream about? What do you tend to get angry about? What injustices? ... but I think it is far more fruitful to go to God ... As we pray and invite that ministry of Christ, suddenly we start uncovering all the desires that have long gone dead, and new desires that He gives to us. But it really comes out of the ministry of Christ in us versus something that you sort of have to figure out." John Eldridge 'Open House Volume 1 with Sheridan Voysey'.

I was discovering the truth of that statement, and it was God who lead me there. In relationship with Him I am healed and changed. I become who I really am. As that becomes more clear, my calling - what I want to do to make a difference - becomes clear too. I want to write. What a blessing it has been to discover that and walk in it. Purpose, fulfillment, enjoyment. But I couldn't work it out on my own. And I couldn't stick at it without Him either. I love it but I get so distracted. I get discouraged. It's God who encourages me to keep doing what I love, what blesses me, for Him.

Ask yourself those questions about your passions and dreams and take them to God. Journey with Him. Ask Him to heal and change you. Find out what makes you come alive and go do it. But it all has to start with Christ. He made you. He knows you. You can't do it alone.